WASHINGTON D.C. – Early Saturday Morning, to the shock and dismay of Libtards and Snowflakes across the US, President Donald J. Trump ascended into heaven. Amid a choir of angels, our dear leader transcended this plane and now sits at the right hand of The Father, reuniting the once frayed consubstantial trinity.
The news came as no surprise to Republican Senate Majority Leader and professional turtle Mitch McConnell. “We always knew this would happen,” said McConnell. “It’s no coincidence, but his ascension couldn’t have come a worse time. It’s a real thorn in our paw.”
Numerous members of minority groups and disenfranchised communities spoke out after the event; most in disbelief and anger. But to naysayers and vocal critics of the president, Trump’s rabid band of supporters were quick to remind them of how humble, righteous, wise, and loving the president was. After all, nobody loves The Bible more than Donald Trump.
Understandably, the Republican party is scrambling to deal with the fallout of Donald Trump’s ascension into the clouds. “We’ve got an election to think about and the Dems are going to latch onto this and run with it,” remarked Republican commentator and radio personality Rush Limbaugh.” “They’re going to milk it for all it’s worth. Mark my words.”
Earlier this afternoon, a garbled tweet came through on the president’s Twitter account stating “Nobody does Heaven better than Trump.” “Seriously, who can argue with that,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Naturally, Mike Pence has assumed temporary presidential power until it can be determined if Trump will return to Earth to resume his divine mission. Pence made no comment but was later seen curled up in the corner sobbing.