Why are you all sitting at home? Because the government told you to? Stop being a pussy. It’s time for things to get back to normal.
Doctors confirm that a local homeless crust punk from New York City may hold the key to a cure for Coronavirus.
As part of his new Coronavirus task force, President Donald Trump appointed Mr. Clean as the head of the defunct U.S. Sanitary Commission.
After her embarrassing suggestion to reopen the city of Las Vegas was met with scorn and ridicule, Mayor Carolyn Goodman began strangling random citizens to death.
Amid cries for help from overwhelmed doctors, nurses, and coroners, hospitals have begun reaching out to the public to supply homemade body bags.
Recent reports indicate that the failure to replace a child’s expired car seat has resulted in the death of a toddler who consumed a portion of the outdated vehicular safety device.
Just in time for Passover, personal lubricant producer K-Y rolled out their new line of Kosher-certified silicone and water-based sex jellies.
In a historic drug bust, nearly 2lbs of black market toilet paper laced with the deadly synthetic narcotic Fentanyl was seized after a routine traffic stop.
In an effort to assuage people offended by the term Redskins, the NFL team in Washington made a decision to change their name to the Foreskins.
Sex toy start-up, Exotica Blue, announced it will launch its line of Donald Trump sex dolls at this year’s EXXXOTICA Sex Expo.
Amid Calls from Liberals, Spic and Span Cleaning Products to Change Name and Logo to Something More Ethnically Sensitive
Spic and Span has announced they will change their name and logo, acknowledging the brand’s origins rooted in racial hatred of Latinos.
A local Washington man was stunned to learn that the film, “Babe: Pig in the City” was, in fact, not about a police officer.
The Sparks Metropolitan Theatre Company has begun rehearsals for an operatic adaptation of Comedy Central’s hit series Reno 911.
DeVry University has tapped Trump Organization Vice President/COO and Twitter punching bag Eric Trump to deliver the commencement address to its graduating class of 2020.
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